In a Million Years
by Tonyahuqt03
Summary: Something happens on a the job that has Zoe upset. Mal and Jayne know, but they aren't telling.


Kaylee was working on the scaffold when she saw Mal, Jayne, and Zoë walk up. Mal seemed cheerful, Zoë like Zoë, and Jayne had a look like he about to burst into laughter.

Kaylee stopped what she was doing to chat.

"Hey Cap'n!" She pulled up her face mask.

"Hey there little Kaylee. You got the front panels fix?"

"Almost…We get paid?"

"Yeah."

"That ain't all we got." Jayne couldn't contain his laughter anymore. Mal looked at Jayne and started laughing himself. Zoë gave them a look, and if looks could kill Jayne and Mal would both be dead.

"What's so funny?" Kaylee asked. She hated missing out on the jokes.

"Nothing." Mal tried to hold a straight face, but he couldn't. He straightened up when he looked at Zoë who wasn't the least bit amused.

"Sorry." He put on his apology face. Zoë didn't buy it and walked into the ship.

She was greeted by Wash who she brushed buy.

"Hey baby…" Wash was confused, he turned to the laughing Mal and Jayne for answers.

"What did you do to my wife?" Wash asked as he looked at Jayne.

"Won't me." Jayne said laughing as he walked into the ship.

Mal out of breath from laughing so much, "Wash…I can't…" He followed Jayne into the ship.

Lost, Wash followed them into the kitchen. Jayne sat at the table dumping out the coin. Mal started to fix himself something to drink. Jayne had his delighted greedy face as he divided up the coin. Kaylee joined the men in the kitchen.

"So what's so funny?" Kaylee asked as she sat by Jayne. He protected the coin pile he made.

"Yeah, you all know I'm the funny one." Wash interjected.

Mal gave Jayne to "you want to tell them look". Jayne responded with his "no ruttin way, Zoë will kill me look". They bust into laughter again.

Out of breath Mal said, "I would love to tell you, Wash, but you're gonna want to ask your wife." Mal broke out into louder laughter and Jayne joined him.

Wash was getting a bit irritated. Kaylee just stood there. Simon and River entered the kitchen.

"Do I want to know what is so funny?" He asked as he looked at Jayne who bit on one the coins on the table.

"We don't know what's funny." Kaylee said as she walked over to the captain who couldn't keep a straight face.

"We shiny for take off?" Mal said to Kaylee still laughing.

"Yeah every thing shiny cap'n."

"Good. Wash take us out. I'm itching to do some captainy things." Jayne burst out into louder laugher at Mal's remark.

"Rhus orientale. It's not really poison. Shouldn't sit in it." River added. She joined Mal and Jayne in the laughter. Puzzled both men looked at River. Mal walked out laughing.

Wash set the controls and decided to find his wife to see what was so funny. He climbed down his bunk and saw something that he didn't think he would see in a million years. Zoë was bent over the sink in their room and Inara was rubbing something on her butt. Wash shook his head, was he dreaming (again). He pinched himself to make sure. "Owe!" nope wasn't dreaming he thought. "Ahem…" Wash cleared his throat. "I can leave if you two if need some more alone time." Wash said smirking from ear to ear.

Inara turned around and rolled her eyes. "I'll leave this here." She placed a small bottle on the sink. As she turned to leave Inara and Wash locked eyes, she just gave him, "not in a million years" looks and left.

Zoë pulled up her pants and started to wipe the sink like nothing had happened.

Wash sauntered over to his wife and wrapped his arms around her. "Sooo, you and Inara working on my early birthday gift? Cause if you are…you can give it too me now, I don't want to wait." He kissed the side of her neck.

"Not in a million years husband." Zoë said smiling.

Wash gave a whimper. "So what's got Mal and Jayne giggling like school girls?"

Zoë didn't respond. She just continued wiping the sink.

"Zoë, talk to me honey…did something go wrong with the job?" Wash turned her around so that she was facing him.

There was a look on Zoë's face that Wash hadn't ever seen before, "Was that the look of embarrassment? His wife? His warrior woman could kick your ass in her sleep with one hand tied behind her back while frying eggs wife embarrassed? No." Wash thought.

"I got poison oak." Zoë said barely above a whisper.

"What?"

She stood up tall and took a deep breath. "I had to go to the bathroom, so I swatted in some bushes. Apparently the bushes where poison oak." She stated as she rubbed her bum. She picked up the bottle that Inara had given to her. It pained Zoë to ask, "Can you please finish?"

Wash took the bottle, "My pleasure." Wash said trying not to laugh.

"If I hear one more giggle out of you husband…" She turned around to look at him. "Sex…that you enjoy so much, you can forget about it."

Wash's face straightened up. "Stone face honey, I promised." He crossed his heart.

She turned back around and Wash just smiled from ear to ear.


End file.
